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Monday, 9 April 2018

Just praise me in advance…
Those were the words that woke me in
the very hours of the day and I just had
to forgo my sleep and started to thank
I had woken up with a start and there
was a kind of peppery sensation in my
I was so shocked and surprised that I
felt that way because I had not taken
beans or its products during the day
neither did I eat heavily at night. Even
if I did, I wasn’t suffering from
heartburn or asthma so what was the
problem with me?
Throwing my beautiful, furry cover
cloth aside, I stood up from the bed
and scurried to the water dispenser. I
pressed the ‘hot’ button because only
hot substance could clear the rubbish
that had gathered in my heart- I
What is this oh God?
Are you trying to say something to me?
As the cup got filled up with the hot
water, I looked over at the wall clock.
Just 2.30a.m and I was awake…it was
As I gulped the water down my throat
and it burnt me right where it
mattered, I looked up at the ceiling.
Let me even give a thought to my life
right now.
Does my life even have direction at all?
Does it even seem as if I am making
headway at all?
Something whispered to me so
convincingly but quietly-
‘Count your blessings and it will
surprise you what the Lord had done
for you!’
As I gulped the water down, it felt that
I was gulping freshly ground pepper
down my throat. The sensation did not
subside. In fact, it became worse!
Something was tightening round my
neck- for real!
Jesus! My Lord Jesus!
Is this death? Is this what it means to
I am but a child. Why do I feel this way
oh God?
I dropped the cup on the water
dispenser and dragged myself back to
the bed. My eyes dilated really badly.
The hold on my neck tightened and my
eyes became teary. As I gasped for
breath, almost surrendering to
whatever force it was, I fell to my
knees, holding my neck in anguish and
“God have mercy” I cried out on my
knees, my voice already going croaky.
You are in the right position to pray!
The voice was distinct and I wasn’t sure
if that was God or my conscience.
To pray and this is what I’ve got?
That’s the mistake you make daughter.
When you pray, you are not doing God
any good but yourself!
Who holds your life in His hands?
“It’s God. Only God does” I said weakly
Who can kill both the body and the
“It’s God alone” I moaned
All the leadership positions you have
held since your primary school days
were made possible because of whom?
“It’s because of God o. Who am i? Who
am i?”
I started crying.
The realization suddenly dawned on
me that God had woken me up in the
night to pray and because of the pains;
I had reflected over my life and
concluded that I had really achieved
nothing in life which God found wrong.
If I had woken you up without you
having any discomfort, would you have
Would you find yourself crying and
praying fervently as you do now?
“No sir. Oh my Lord! I am sorry. I
never realized that I had created no
time out to hear you. I am sorry Lord” I
cried still.
God was speaking to me!
It felt so real!
It had never ever happened to me
before and I was thrilled.
I listened and listened again but I heard
no voice again. The discomfort had
gone and I was wide awake.
I started to cry.
I really hadn’t taken God seriously in
my life before this time- just the
ceremonial devotion thing and
ceremonial activities of going to the
church and all that.
I had always had almost everything on
a platter of gold- everything I had
achieved had been in an easy way.
I graduated with the best WAEC and
NECO results in the whole federation
and I had been on different forms of
scholarships till I graduated from the
University of Kent, Canterbury.
Afterwards, I graduated as the second
best student in the University of Kent
and I proceeded to Harvard University
on recommendation and by merit.
I decided to have another Master’s
degree because I felt time was still on
my mind and I wanted more certificates
and all- I had that at the Kwame
Nkrumah University of Science and
Technology, Ghana- on scholarship
My parents had really never spent
money on education for me. I had
always been their pride- though I never
exhibited pride or anything of such.
I just felt I was just being favored but I
had never ascribed all the glory to God!
It escaped my mind that every little
success that a child of God gets are as a
result of the backing of the Almighty
God and that we were supposed to
send the glory back to Him for all He’d
I started all over again, thanking him
for my past successes, my parents, my
siblings, my students, and oh mine oh
mine, I had enough things to thank God
It was really shocking that I had that
much to thank Him for when I thought
I had never experienced His touch in a
long time.
…and oh the peace that followed!
The joy from the over two hours’
thanksgiving prayer session I had
lingered for hours as everyone could
notice it. I wore a very beautiful smile
throughout the day- it was like a
permanent plastic surgery!
“I would go to the school’s studio to
have a photo-shoot after the school
activities because the smile sure fitted
me” I had thought to myself.
I had just ended a lecture with the
300Level Students and as I left the
class, I hung my school bag around my
neck and bounced out of the social
science block.
“Aunty Tomboy looks really glad today
That was what my very sharp ears
heard as I walked down the park to get
my car.
“Abi, she’s falling in love ni?” another
voice asked and I heard a chorus,
scornful laughter.
“Love ke. Abeg jhur…the only thing I
like about the woman is that she sabi
teach. Ah, if it’s that one, I give it to
her. But romance, love, marriage,
mba!” another person said
My heart started to race as I struggled
within my heart about what to do.
Should I look back at the students and
shout at them to stop it?
That wouldn’t be good because if I
should sight them, I would so hate
them uncontrollably!
Should I hear more from them?
That won’t be nice!
It’s better to just intensify my footsteps
and disappear from them.
But I didn’t obey that instinct. I wanted
to have more of their stories.
“Who does she remind you of?” one
asked again
“Hmmm, let’s say Serena Williams”
another answered
“Yes! That’s very correct! I had never
even thought about it that much” the
third person said
“She definitely works out. All these
hard jobs, you know? Weight lifting
and all…” one was saying again and I
balled my fist in anger.
See how these children are finishing
me- right in my presence!
I could hear them very clearly.
Did they think I was a dummy or a deaf
They were not even making attempts to
reduce their voices.
Work out?
Weight lifting?
What did they know about me?
Was that how bad I now look?
These students could so kill somebody
o. they could show me love like
anything in the class and outside the
classroom, my stature was being
Nawa o!
“So, except she becomes a baby mama
or she marries James Bond o, forget
marriage jhur. Who wants to marry big
hefty mama and call her wife” they said
again and I was mad.
I just walked really fast towards my
car, opened and entered.
My head was in a kind of disorder.
There were stuffs like cobwebs hanging
as curtains in the room of my head and
I couldn’t think straight.
I placed my head on the steering and it
took loud, repeated knocks from some
passers-by at my car door to raise my
head up again.
What was the problem?
My head that was on the steering had
caused the horn to be blaring loudly
and the parking lot was in disarray as
all eyes were on me.
I just bowed and waved in apology!
The joy that I had started the day with
had melt away like a candle beside the
I needed to just leave this place- but
where to?
I was confused and afraid and
discouraged and all but I didn’t know
the right thing to do.
I zipped my school bag and brought out
my hand mirror, opened and checked
myself out.
I wasn’t that bad- in fact, I was so so
Or maybe it was a full mirror I needed.
I turned the ignition key and drove off
to the bank beside the Accounting
Let me quickly have a look at myself in
a large mirror because it seemed my
bathroom mirror had lost its potency
and accuracy.
The bank building was glassy so, I
could just use the opportunity to use
the ATM and have a good look at
There was no queue.
Thank God.
I moved to an ATM slot and stayed in
front of it.
I had grown really fat!
See my chest, oh my goodness!
I am really a gorilla with this hairy face
of mine.
What do I do?
No wonder my straight skirt could not
fit in properly this morning. I
condemned about four skirts before I
was able to select the one I eventually
I withdrew some cash and returned to
the car.
While in the car, I quickly switched on
my Wi-Fi and switched on my phone’s
data connection.
I was going to search for her!
What was that name again?
I racked my brain so much…
Oops, my brain…was I getting old that
this brain no longer wanted to obey
Yes! Serena Williams.
Google search loading…
I clicked on the images and looked at
She was exactly my look-alike!
I started saving some of the images of
the gowns she wore to special
Even if they were not too decent, I
would make mine decent
Done and dusted, I smiled to myself as I
adjusted the rare mirror.
I was not going to the studio anymore
because my plastic surgery smile had
even disappeared, so of what use
would the photo-shoot be?
It was time to change the course…
I decided to go to the —
Boutique to pick up some beautiful
and then…
The Gym Centre!
I zoomed away with such great alacrity
and determination because contrary to
those students’ prediction, I wanted
marriage- a very beautiful, romantic,
godly, heaven-bound marriage at that!
May God help me.

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