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Tuesday, 10 April 2018

The rain just refused to stop!
As I lay still on my very hard and
comfortable bed with my eyes shut
firmly, I felt that strong, muscular palm
on my head.
It was so warm.
It felt so warm that I never wanted it to
be taken away from me.
I wanted it to touch every parts of my
body- my face, my arms, my big belly,
my legs…even my heart if possible!
It felt so good to have my husband
It felt really good!
“The Lord bless you and keep you. May
the Lord make His light to shine upon
My husband prayed on and on.
Should I just pretend like this while he
prayed on?
Or should I open my eyes and smile at
him saying that I heard and felt his
“Oh my God! Oh no my Lord!” he cried
out still
What was that about?
Was he moaning?
Was he crying or lamenting?
What was the matter?
Should I open my eyes?
I feared that he was seeing a vision and
that opening my eyes would disrupt the
flow so I kept mum, praying silently.
“I shall never lose my wife…ah no
Lord! Oh God!” he labored on in prayer
and my heart started beating fast.
What was the problem?
God was speaking to him?
A week had already passed from the
two weeks ultimatum I had given him
before the ‘divorce’…and he was doing
prettily well in his remedial efforts.
I wished something could extend the
years I would live on earth.
I had stopped all medicine and even
chemo had been placed on a halt.
He was changing- he held my hands
while we prayed; he prepared food for
me, he looked into my eyes so deeply as
if to read my thought (the part I loved
most)and he allowed me to fall asleep
in his arm while we watched the new
MZFM TV station on CONSAT(I
wondered if he never realized how
light I felt)
Of a truth, a man does not know the
value of a thing until he loses it!
If nothing, – if I was going to die, I
wanted it to be in the arms of the first
lover of mine because that would be
the greatest joy of my life.
The rashes on my body had increased
and I felt very pained.

When am I going to be healed from this
Leukemia oh Lord?
Is there no longer any balm in Gilead?
Heal me oh Lord and I promise to be a
better wife- a better mother!
As his hands moved over my face, I felt
life surge through my veins- the hands
were trembling seriously
What was happening to him?
Was he crying?
“Lord Jesus, I have really been a bad
husband and father. I have missed it.
Forgive me Lord”
I felt tears drop to my body and I was
tempted to really open my eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I asked in a husky
tone. He was holding my hand
prayerfully and I sighed
His eyes were really teary and his eyes
were red!
“I suddenly realized that you are
growing old and I am pained!” he cried
the more and tears ran down my face.
What a realization!
“What’s wrong with you?” I asked again
and he cried louder the more.
He covered his face with his hands and
wept bitterly
I cried uncontrollably too
If my frame alone could make him cry
this much, what would the revelation
of my present health state do to him?
What?…exactly what?!
But why must he come to his senses
just now oh dear Redeemer?
“You look so lean. Your skin looks so
rough and what are these spots? You
bald head has little stands of grey hair
and they even look weak! When did you
become this old? When did I become
this insensitive? I never knew! Oh my
goodness!” he cried further, sitting on
the ground with a great thump
I tried to laugh in order to console him
but cries were my portion!
Why was life being unfair to me oh
“Are you sick? Is there anything I don’t
know? Anything at all? Please tell me. I
really do want to know. Please”
He looked into my face intently and my
heart shattered into pieces
“Oh my husband” I exclaimed as hot
tears ran down my suddenly hot face.
This was just too late!
“Tell me please. Please do” he said
again, squeezing my shoulders softly.
“Yes, I am dying” I dropped the words
and he shut his eyes firmly while tears
streamed down his cheeks.
There was no retort of any kind!
Where was the man who always
preached faith at any slightest headache
of mine?
“Oh my God! Oh my God!! Oh my God!!!
Why was I busy tending to your flock
without…oh my God! Who am I to
question you Lord? Of course I failed
you!” his anguish continued.
That was so true!

My husband’s major spiritual gifts were
knowledge and discernment but he
never for once knew nor did he discern
what his heartthrob was going through.
He never did!
“Oh God! Why? Why? Oh why?” he
lamented, sitting on the bed and
banging his legs on the floor forcefully.
I smiled bitterly.
He turned abruptly and held my hands.
“Is it cancer?” he asked and I looked
deep at him.
“Your spiritual antenna is sharp again.”
I said as my head asked for lack of tears
to shed.
My veins thumped almost loudly.
“My father! Cancer?” he exclaimed
“Cancer!” I mimicked him and he
looked at me intently again
“Blood Cancer?” he asked assuredly
and I nodded bitterly.
Why was it now that his gift of
knowledge is at work?
Why could he not sight this earlier on?
How could he not foresee?
Why my Lord?
“I was sharp-eyed to the matters of my
church members but I was blind…I was
insensitive…I was totally dead to my…
oh Lord! My wife! My beautiful,
supportive wife…the wife of my youth!
Oh my God!” he broke down into
another fit of tears.
He was totally broken!
“And I have watched ‘Busy but Guilty’
but the Mount Zion Ministry
oooo….how did I fail? How on earth did
I fail? What unguarded moment of
mine did the devil use against me oh
Lord?” he cried bitterly.
I sat up from my sleeping position and
looked across the room at the wall
“Dearie, it’s still very early in the
morning. It’s just two o’clock. Let’s
sleep please.” I tried to say.
There were no other words in my
mouth to utter.
He was crying – his hefty, muscular
frame shook to the extent that it scared
I hope he wasn’t going to break
“My dear, the two weeks ultimatum you
gave me for the divorce was the time
given to you by the doctor to live
right?” he asked, his eyes looking

I looked at him as he spoke on.
That’s my husband!
The one that sees what an ordinary
man cannot!
But it’s too late!
“Yes. So, by the doctor’s dictate, I have
just few more days to go” I said again
and he stood up.
“The doctor’s dictate is not the Lord’s
dictate!” he almost screamed. He
walked to the wardrobe and checked
through. He moved to the shelves, then
to the table.
He picked up his Bible…tears ran down
“My God is never late!” he repeated as
if he was singing- his voice shaking
really bad!
I looked on at him.
I wished he was there when I was
battling with this illness at the
Probably I would have clung to his faith
and fought this cancer with all the
breath in me.
But….it’s too late…just too late!
“My God still has spare parts” he said
as he wore his slippers.
His words reiterated in my ears but I
had great doubts.
I was supposed to have the bone
marrow transplant and much radiation
with chemo but I didn’t do it.
I had heard that it would effect, real,
noticeable changes in my body and I
didn’t want him to notice- or the
members of the church either!
He came close to me, held my face
gently but firmly.
I lost my stance and flashed back
That was how he used to hold me then
our love still burnt…and I really loved
But instead of a passion-driven
husband, I could see a desperately
compassionate father and pastor on a
He planted a quick peck on my lips —-it
was nice!
“I will be back in the next 21 days.
Prepare for me Pounded yam, Egusi
soup with assorted stuffs and freshly
squeezed squash juice by you.” He said
as he clutched his bible to his chest.
“21 days? After 3 weeks?” I asked him
Did he know what he was saying?
I have few days left
He was leaving me again
Why oh Lord?
I need him best this time and he was
leaving again
Tears rolled down my face and he bent
down beside me. He held my knees.
“We will go to the USA to visit the kids
thereafter. You hear?” he asked again
and stood up.

He turned his back at me and cleared
his throat
“Forgive me for my past insensitivity”
he said and my head got swollen the
more and I started real, loud, dry cry.
“I will go and I will meet you safely.
Pull yourself together and be of good
cheer. I love you” he said as he walked
towards the door.
Was he crying again?
The door opened and then, it was
slammed loudly!
He didn’t even take any cloth with him.
Where was he going to?
Didn’t he know that this case was a
very difficult one?
I knew it wasn’t difficult for God but I
still feel it was difficult!
Blood cancer!
Acute one at that!
But as the door slammed when he went
out, something like a screw fell from
my chest and I wondered what it was.
I looked around for the screw but it
was nowhere to be found!
I felt somehow…indescribable!
Was it peace like a river?
Was it the love that emanated from a
long-gone husband?
Was it sadness?
Was it the brokenness of my heart that
he left me again?
I feel different! – I felt like shouting
these three words to the air so that
everyone could hear me.

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